Crossing The Street Crossing the street is a dangerous thing many of us take for granted. We stop and wait for the little man to tell us to go, look both ways before crossing the street, and then we step off the curb and into the rest of our lives. Which honestly may not be […]
The Bird’s The Word: I Forgot The Bird
The Bird’s The Word The bird’s the word. Sometimes as I’ve gotten older, especially with all the added stress of adulting, I forget the bird. That means that I forget a word from time to time. A word that, much like a bird, flutters off when I approach. A few days back I had such […]
Portmanteau: When Used For Ill, Not Good
Portmanteau A portmanteau is typically a pretty good time. Some can be pretty fun to say and they’re almost always fun to create. There’s just something about taking two words and cramming them together so hard that a few of letters from each respective word just shoot out to the side never to be heard […]
Shrugs: Why Do I Go To The Gym?
Shrugs, Proof That Humans Don’t Know They Are The Punchline Shrugs are a silly exercise that requires humans to grab far more weight than they can comfortably lift and then proceed to repeatedly shrug. As if to answer the questions they silently ask themselves, “Why did I grab so much weight, why do I do […]
SEO Made Me Do It: New Words For The Year
SEO – Search Engine Optimization SEO made me do it! SEO makes a lot of people do a lot of things. Good things, mostly weird things, always narcissistic things that reek of desperation. It’s the reason why people create web pages devoted to lists. SEO causes people to make punchy sans-article titles and sentences. There’s […]
Everybody’s Hugging Everybody: The Great Unification of 2018
Everybody’s Hugging Everybody. Everybody’s hugging everybody. Champagne and other alcohol fly in every which way. Little pieces of paper descend from the sky. People turned to gravity and said, “Hold my nachos.” Whether people were shockingly disappointed or super duper excited, people dropped whatever they were holding and clung to one another. The Eagles won, […]
I Bought A Mouse And Gained A Kindred Spirit Acquaintance: Chad
I Bought A Mouse. I bought a mouse over the weekend. After six years, two of which involved a lot of false double clicks, I pitched my Razer Naga and bought a Logitech M720 A.K.A Triathlon. I realized that I wasn’t so much into gaming mice anymore. While I do play games on my PC, […]
The Toiletfire Continues: 2018 Begins
The Toiletfire Continues The toiletfire that will define 2018 is off to a roaring start! How could it not when 2017 went out in a blaze of glory? Might as well address that we all have the Bon Jovi song in our head at this point and if one doesn’t, then one is broken. Imagine […]
Reviews: Chickpea And Where’d You Go Bernadette
Here are some reviews. Chickpea Service was horrible. I asked the waitress what beers were on tap, she said “They are on the board,” that I couldn’t read as it was halfway across the restaurant and parallel with me. To avoid any awkwardness, I simply said “Oh.” She walked off. When she came back, I […]
2017 Ate All The Dicks
2017 ate dicks! All of them. It was literally the worst fucking year of my life. It could be said that most years have been pretty great so that maybe 2017 isn’t all that bad. While the former is true. That latter isn’t. 2017 was terrible. 2017 sucked shit through a silly straw. Hey, 2017, […]