2016 Is Dead!

Sweatpants Life

     Long Live 2017!

Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya 2016. You were a terrible fucking year and I will loathe you until my dying breath. Surrounded by loved ones and machines keeping me alive, with a raspy and gaspy voice I will say, “I love you all, fuck 2016.”

Let me be clear that this is not just because of all the great artists, musicians, actors you took. Nor the fact that a quarter of the U.S. is cool with Trump being president and the remainder is pissed about something. Excluding the increased fighting in Syria, the ramped up tensions with Russia and all that alludes to. Screw it, I want to be self-centered!

For me, 2016’s  never-ending supply of sack taps began in October of the previous year. Which set the stage for what would come to be an all around terrible year. I usually don’t write off an entire year and it’s not like some good things happened in 2016. Sure we had some laughs and Oliver moved in with us, but as a whole 2016 deserves to be buried and forgotten. Scratch that, decapitate it, bury an oak stake in its chest, salt it, and burn it.

     Time For A Resolution

I’ve made the same New Year’s resolution for the last six or seven years now. I’ve never failed at it. Mostly because one can only fail at it once unless one partied with Motley Crue back in the 80’s. That resolution is, “Don’t Die.” Sure, it’s dry and grim, but it’s a resolution I will stick to. There won’t be a time where I say, “Ah, I think I will skip not dying today.”

I implore you all to make this resolution because…

 

     Kill 2017 Before It Kills You!

Let’s face it 2016 sucked, but it also laid the groundwork for some truly trying times to follow. Tensions aren’t going to settle down because it’s a new year. More celebrities are going to pass away and none of them will be tied to the Kardashians. So just believe it okay. You’ve experienced the shit 2016 flung at you. No more surprises! The blindfold and the gloves are off. I not going to begin 2017 with “Happy New Year.” Compliance and blissful ignorance nets us nothing. Instead I will say, “It’s going to be a long year butthead, I’ll see you on the other side.”

 


I mean butthead in the most loving way possible. Please share. 

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