I was thirty-six before I recall ever eating Nutella. It came in a donut from the current version of Tim Horton’s, the one after the trans fat apocalypse cuing buy out by Burger King. An action that makes me wish I would have bought stock in whip cream. As that is the ingredient that Tim Horton’s now uses to determine if a donut is deluxe or not. The chosen few are just slathered in the stuff. I’ve seen them cut a chocolate filled donut in half and fill it whip cream and call it a whoopee pie. I’ve seen them eviscerate a long john and desecrate the corpse with whip cream and call it an eclair. An eclair!
Where was I? Oh yes, maybe I had had Nutella before. Maybe it was in things and I failed to notice the light hazelnut taste nestled in between all the chocolaty goodness. Either way, I had never gone out and bought a jar of it.
That is until about seven months ago. I realized I kept going to Tim Horton’s and buying the little danish things that contained Nutella. I figured that I might as well cut out the middle man and fried dough. I swore to myself that I would be a responsible owner of a jar of soul renewing chocolaty goodness.
For awhile, I held myself to that vow. I used toast, fruit, and crepes as my chosen delivery vehicles. That was only twice a week. Then one day, while I was in the house by myself – don’t worry this is not going to get weird – I invented a new taste sensation. Something that reduced my carb intake and non-essential calorie consumption. Which means I annexed all the calories for Nutella. I call them ‘Nutella Pops*.’ On lookers may say “Look at that poor sad husk of former human significance shoving a spoon into the Nutella jar. He licks the spoon in an effort to add validity to term Nutella pop.”
Sure it seems like I have absolutely no will power what so ever. That I am simply cracking open a jar of goodness and just digging into it like a certain unambitious, pants-off-dance-off enthusiast, red polo shirt wearing yellow bear would do. Well I will have you know that I at least have pants on! And since I typically only do less than a table spoon once or twice, that is less than two hundred calories. So when needing a shot of chocolate, it’s better than eating a piece of cake, donut, or candy bar. Delicious, portion controlled, easily accessible, Nutella Pops! Afterward, one could wash the spoon by hand and burn a calorie or two.
*Nutella Pop Recipe:
1 Jar of Nutella
1 Spoon – depending on your stance on double dipping
1 All The Self-Control and Respect You Can Muster