Hair of the Drone

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The CES, Consumer Electronic Show, was going on all last week. A magical time of year where everyone’s tech nerdiness comes out as they try to be unique tech loving snowflakes. “I love technology!” people yarp in luddite excluding self-actualizing clarity. Loving tech is fine. Just like loving Star Wars, video games, comic books, whatever. It is that air that is given off while saying such things. That sense that people believe that not seemingly everyone in western culture is also obsessed with the exact same things. That they don’t realize that they aren’t unique snowflakes.

Enough of this middle-aged, disenfranchised bitching. I need to save this kind strength for when I am sixty five. Then I can really let it rip on all this grumping business. All I need is to save up for all that wood I am going to widdle once I retire. However, I will be fruegel and widdle my own rocking chair and porch, all whilst grumping. Come on over, pencil me in for thirty years from today!

So, many things were announced at the CES: Insanely thin televisions, fridges with cameras inside them, laptops that connect to a desktop graphics card, and of course a passenger drone. That is right a drone that is reportedly able to carry a person at one hundred kilometers per hour. Which I guess is kind of cool, if drones are your thing. Which they most assuredly are not mine.

For those who don’t know, drones are essentially the souped up love children of remote control airplanes and remote control helicopters. Remember those things that would sometimes be spotted, on a weekend, in the sky above a local park? A small niche group huddled below, starring up in mesmerized agapement? Remember thinking how nerdy those people were? What an uncool and expensive hobby that was? Seriously, remote control vehicle enthusiasts could make the deepest delver of Dungeons & Dragons look cool by comparison.

Then lo and behold here comes the drone and all of a sudden, everyone has to have one. It was to the remote control vehicle world, what Game of Thrones was to the fantasy world. Everyone had to have one! Soccer moms, day traders, iPhone enthusiasts, people from all walks of life were all of a sudden interested in flying a remote controlled vehicle. It was the cool, sexy and socially acceptable thing to do.

Now they are so popular we are going to cart people around in them! Of course anyone should be able see the red tape and issues with this. Current civilian drones have been causing all sorts of issues. However, when drones aren’t spying on bikini clad neighbors, flying in federal airspace, or whacking brides in the face, they have been known to do some good deeds. Urban and wilderness search and rescue and delivering tacos to name a few. Soon to be added will be hauling around our fat asses. Drones, they ain’t just for bombs anymore!


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