National (Insert Bullshit Thing That Doesn’t Really Need To Be Celebrated or Revered) Day

joke, ass, constipation, writers block

I’ve written a few posts recently about those national and international days where everyone celebrates or does something silly and superfluous. Most of them seem to revolve around food or activities. My posts revolve around cats, dogs, and running.

Today is apparently National Dessert Day [insert day here]. A week or so ago there was National Burger Day. I thought we had National Pizza Day recently followed by National Cheese Pizza Day. If we did, the former was a far superior and less restricting holiday. A few years back there was a National Donut Day that happened to coincide with D-day. I guess it was going to fall on a weekend and some genius figured that it should be moved to a day that also starts with “D.” A clever marketing ploy and a little disrespectful. Way to go dipshit!

I have to admit, it is fun to cut loose and order a pizza or wear a towel on your head. Heck, it is even fun to talk like a pirate. However, am I alone in thinking that there may just be too many of these damn holidays? Are we having too much fun and letting ourselves off the hook too often?

For instance, perhaps we need, “You still have racism in your country day.” No need to leave anything in the comment section, Ann Coulter, I already know where you’re coming from. Maybe we need, “Remember the homeless in your neighborhood day. Help an old lady cross the street day. Let someone cut in front of you in traffic day. Don’t drive like an asshole day. Buy someone you don’t know a cup of coffee day. Don’t be such a stressed out prick day. Pay attention to your family day. Be a better person day.”

 

What do you think, too grumpy, not curmudgeonly enough? If you have any ideas for cynical national holidays, leave ’em below.

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