The Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles Platform

Election season is bearing down on us in Canada. The NDP and Liberals are neck and neck. The Conservatives, unfortunately, have not fallen behind by a safe enough distance to allow any breathing room. We have an abundance of progressive parties and one stuck in the mud party. Anything could happen!

There are a lot of campaign promises coming from each and every party. Promises that we are all too aware, will not be kept. That isn’t what I am here to talk about. I am here to offer something to the Conservatives. Something, if they read this blog, they would be surprised by.

Yes Tories, I have seen many of your commercials and heard many of your promises. I heard about the Netflix tax that you will save Canadians from. Most recently I heard about how, if elected you will donate a shit load of money to the Terry Fox Foundation. A foundation, who after catching wind of what you said, kindly stood up and said, “Please don’t.” I know you haven’t been the most popular lately and have been saying you would do all sorts of stuff. Stuff the other parties won’t do.

I have heard your begging and well, I am going to offer something to you. My vote! However, you have to do something for me. It is not an easy task. This is huge and something I have been wanting for a long, long time. Get me Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles in Canada.

I mean a real deal steady supply. None of this only at the now defunct Target Canada. I don’t mean at Superstore, for a limited time. So limited that I only ever see one box of one flavor. I mean I want them as steady and easily obtainable as Frosted Flakes, Trix and Golden Grahams. As in, any time I want them, I can get them.

So quick, go change the law that prohibits popular cartoon characters from selling products, such as, but not limited to, cereals in Canada. Let’s fix these damn character licensing and copyright issues. Why are they only in stores for a random and limited time? Are there any other reasons holding them back from being in Canada? Anything I don’t know about and haven’t mentioned? One more thing, I mean the American Pebbles, not that weird crap I have only heard about from the eighties. No Canadian Pebbles from the past.

Fix it! And I will do my part to make all of your wildest – social program killing, oil sand fracking, anti-terrorism bill writing, safe injection site shutting down, CBC obliterating, billion dollar surplus running, pissing in coffee mugs videotaping, recession causing, worst economic growth since the depression celebrating, Keystone XL pleading, old ass fighter jet purchasing, senator slush fund scandaling, second class citizen legislating – dreams come true!

Actually, on second thought, I don’t like any of those things I just mentioned. I will just drive down to the states and get my Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles fix. Then I will vote for someone else. Sorry to get your hopes up.

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