National Doughnut Day

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Today is National Doughnut Day. A day to unwind and let diets fall by the wayside. A day to tell trainers and life coaches to take a hike. A day to storm the beaches of Normandy! Wait, what? Oh shit. No, that was last year and it was very insensitive. I came home and wrote an angry blogpost that I never posted:

Today isn’t very fun at all, in fact there should probably be a somber tone. A quiet moment of reflection. This isn’t just for one country, this is for a lot of them. It was World War II and I believe the soldiers and this day deserve some respect.

The marketing whiz kid at Dunkin’ Donuts or Krispy Kreme or wherever the little twit works may be rolling in the cash. All because he put his kindergarten education to full use. Today is D-Day, you know what starts D and you can eat?”

Do you really want me to answer that insensitive marketing twit?

“Doughnuts!”

Very good marketing twit! Totally not what I was thinking, but you do your own thing. Also, way to taint an important day in history with a silly holiday for a food that certainly does need to be celebrated. You see, doughnuts are quite possibly my favorite food. I love them in almost all of their shapes and flavors. From lowliest convenience store white powdered doughnuts. To the borderline obscenely expensive hipster doughnuts with hints of lavender and star anise.

I remember celebrating National Doughnut Day 2014. I updated the statuses and twittered the tweets. Then I realized what day it was and how grotesquely wrong it all was. Although, I have read that doughnut day does have its roots in WWI, when doughnuts were handed out to soldiers. This is where the terms doughgirl and doughboy come from, or so I hear. At that time, doughnuts were a newly discovered taste treat for westerners. Regardless, tomorrow is D-Day. So it is all good to cut loose and stuff faces today.

This is truly the holiest of holidays. Thanksgiving is okay and all, but this is the type of stuff I want to pig out on. No gravy, mashed potatoes, or tofurkey to somewhat satiate my appetite with. Just me and a box of doughnuts. I apologize for anyone who gets their hands in my way. By the way, I got the number for a guy that makes the best hook hands.

I eat protein, vegetables and  everything else to feed my body. I read to feed my mind. I eat doughnuts to feed my soul. Honestly, even the worlds biggest, coldest, most condescending prick can’t resist the feel good vibes one gets after eating a doughnut or two. Middle-earth would have been a lot different had that ring been made, not of metal, but delicious glazed golden fried dough. So go grab a box and take it to work. Better yet, screw those people and keep it all for yourself! Have a doughnut or two! Who am I kidding, have three or four. There is no shame, not today! Remember no matter how one spells it, the first two letters in doughnuts, are “Do!”

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