The Go-Bots Freakin’ Sucked! Part One

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  There is no easy way to put it, not without the use of harsh language. The Go-Bots were terrible and arguably the lamest toy line from the 80’s. After my post about Jem, I started thinking about all the cartoons and toys from my childhood. Then I remembered the Go-Bots! They had a cartoon called Challenge of the Go-Bots, where they issued the challenge to the viewer to not change the channel.  Each week, a team of remedial Autobots would do battle against of a team of half-assed Decepticon rejects. Go-Bots truly were the poor kids Transformers.

  They were made with concept that children were dumb, really, really, dumb. In hindsight, the amount of condescension is truly astounding. Apparently the designers thought children just lie in heaps, breathing through their mouths and sucking food off of the ground like some bottom feeding sea slug. Every now and then kids would yell “Scooter!” at a soul shuddering decibel. Causing parents to drop dishes and go into cardiac arrest.  There just simply was no way children could handle the complex transformations of the Transformers. Go-Bots were made to fill that gap. They were quick, easy, and good to go!

  Perhaps the designer was insipid and could not handle more than a few steps in the transformation process. What if this guy had gotten a job at Ikea in later years. Sure you could probably put your furniture together in under five minutes, but it wouldn’t look good or be comfortable. Couches would literally be a bean bag chair and a sheet of plywood!

  In any case, Go-Bots looked like vehicles when in  both vehicle mode and robot mode. However, in the cartoon their faces were always present, even when in vehicle mode. Head turns caused rigid parts of their bodies to go off model. For instance when in bike mode, Larry the Motorcycle’s neck turns and bends in such a way that the viewer knew it wasn’t metal. Which really broke the illusion. Especially for any child sentient enough to know to not shut their hand in a car door or that Transformers were far superior.

 (Concluded)

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