To The Helicopter Parents of Seventhia, The Princess and Apparently Future Savior of the World…

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  Last Night, my wife and I went to one of our favorite neighborhood restaurants to kick off our anniversary weekend. It will remain nameless as to avoid any negative backlash from this post. There were certainly a lot of people there and one very large, very full table in the back. A table that we would be seated by. At first nothing seemed out of place. We ordered our food, drank tea, and talked. At one point the large table behind me asked me if I could move my seat so their sevenish year old daughter could walk to her mom. I obliged easily enough, blessedly ignorant that I was in the presence of such royalty. Boy would I be embarrassed and lucky to have my hands later.

  A chunk of time passed and I noticed that the waiter kept adjusting the thermostat. It wasn’t hard to notice, it was right behind my wife’s head. What struck me as odd was that he kept adjusting it just a little bit. Turn the fan on, turn the fan off.

  Our food arrived and shortly after we began eating, Princess Seventhia’s stewards pulled out one of their phones and gave it – volume fully cranked – to Seventhia. I think she was just watching a video, but it sounded like she was playing King of Fighters ‘98 – which just happens to have come out on iOS and Android. I digress and thusly take away from the god chosen magnificence of Seventhia.

  My wife and I could barely hear each other speak, due to the table behind us speaking louder than necessary, due to Seventhia needing to be occupied, neigh appeased. I shudder to think what maw of fresh hell would have been opened had they not had that device. Finally, I had built up the gall to politely turn around and ask them to turn it down, but at that exact moment our waiter returned. We had barely been able to say that we were fine and wanted the bill before Airwolf turned around and notified the waiter that Seventhia was now hot.

  He stood there for a moment, assessing his life. Then with the silent scream of a rebel, he turned and walked away leaving the thermostat unadjusted. An treasonous act most assuredly! I can only hope that he still has his hands[1]. I guess we’ll find out next time we go to that place. Preferably without Seventhia and her thralls.


[1] Treason is punishable by removal of hands. This is usually done by dual katana wielding parents spinning like a helicopter and making woka-woka-woka sounds as they move toward the guilty’s outstretched arms.

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